Now that my nanny left, I am the full time caretaker for my son Brandon. It has been two days looking after him all days. I take him out to fun places in town and we spend time together looking at dogs, birds, trees and pot holes with water.
The last 1 year, as much as it was meant to be a gap year or so to take a pause and re-evaluate my life direction, I often struggled between spending time with Brandon and focusing on experiments to find what I want to do.
Before covid, it was a norm that you go to office and miss out on time with your toddler. Now, with covid and staying home while exploring my new paths, it has become a choice for me to decide whether to spend the entire afternoon on my woodworking or take Brandon out for a while and give nanny a break.
I chose the latter from time to time but I always wish I did more. There is no clear right answer here. You always wish you did the other activity more when choosing between two important options.
So this new role of being a full time caretaker is giving me the chance to make up for all those times that I wished I had spent more time with him. It’s challenging but it’s good. Unexpected turn for sure, but I welcome it with open arms.
Michael Singer’s philosophy of letting life pass through me, accepting fully what happens outside of my control is what I think I am doing right now.
There is no expectation or thoughts about what to do with my venture now. My wrist is injured and looking after B is the one and only thing on my mind these days. It’s easier to be with him when you don’t have million other chats going on inside head. I think B can sense that I am fully present with him. He constantly shows me how to be present with his wide open eye towards everything that passes him by.
